Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
