Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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