Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
