he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
