it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
