she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
