When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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