i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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