Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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