is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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