Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
