Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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