I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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