after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
