The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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