i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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