I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
