I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
