Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
