I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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