i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
