I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
