I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
