you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
