I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
