i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
