I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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