If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
