I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
