hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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