My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
