i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
