u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
