I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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