Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
