He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
