I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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