This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
