yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
