All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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