DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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