I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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