It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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