My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
