You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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