hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
