yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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