Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
