Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
