i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
