I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
