remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
