Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
